a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
