she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
