so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
