i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize