If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Semen is not good for contacts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
