I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
