im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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