I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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