My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So. Much. Porn.
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