Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize