girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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