I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
