The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
