You surviving the open bar?
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If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
pray to the hookup gods
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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