Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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