He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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