But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
