i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
