i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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