I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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