what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
