She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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