did you get engaged???
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
