mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
