We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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