Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What happened to fro yo and sex?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
