1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize