Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
