No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
