Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
