I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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