If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
