I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
