3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
