So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
