New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize