You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
