Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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