Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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