Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize