Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
