My hand turned me down
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
