Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize