i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
