So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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