So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
