Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
