Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
