the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
