this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
