Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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