I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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