watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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