My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
