It's like God shit irony all over that family
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
