Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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