I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
honey bunches of taint.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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