what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
