YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
