Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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