hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
