I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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