wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
