Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
