That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
