god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
