would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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