I think I died a long time ago.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
