I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
