I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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