it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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