I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize