she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
