she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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