Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
