You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Less talking, more tequila
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
