I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As shirtless as possible
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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