I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
