Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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