Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
