What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
