somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
