Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
