I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
