I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
