I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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