What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize