I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it hurts more in the daytime
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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