Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
