So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
