Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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