Fuck appropriateness.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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