we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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