Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
