hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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