Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
