you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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