God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
