My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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