Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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