so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
