I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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