yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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