guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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