i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
