Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
